I am mouse, hear me roar

The sun is shining, the daylight lengthening, and the mice are invading the house like a wave of unstoppable crusaders sacking the fertile crescent 1000 years ago. The are making a pilgrimmage to the Holy Cracker Pantry and will not be denied. I've seen one distract the dog while 30 others sprint for the Pringles can under the girls' bunk beds. One of them (I call him Larry) seems to be the Houdini of trap springing. Despite the most succulent and exclusive chocolate I sacrifice to bait the traps, they get sprung without capturing a single, hapless victim.

I hear chanting at night, "Larry! Larry! Larry!" coming from the forced air heating vent under my bed. It sounds like Alvin and the chipmunks; if they were packing and had become fanatical members of a death-worshipping, chocolate-eating Jonestown cult.

I am worried, now. I can't find the can opener anymore and I haven't seen the cat for three days. Maybe I should get a snake. Maybe a bunch of snakes. That would be better than TV. Talk about a Reality Show. Eeeeeww.

Spring sprang right over me

The light returns and all we Alaskans do is grumble more. The stress upon our delicate circadian rhythms from Daylight Savings Time whiplash has us growling and huffing in our dens with a whole lot of cranky goin' on before we even get out of bed.

All we ever want is the return of The Light, and once it starts to shine, we scream, "It burns!".

Alaskans can't win when it comes to the seasons. It is always too much of something: cold, wet, light, dark (never really too hot, though. Darn.)

So we wait for our bio-rhythms to stabilize just long enough to get over the post-hibernation shakes, slather on the sunscreen and bug dope (insect repellent to the rest of the world), and get outside and do something, anything!, as long is it is NOT INDOORS.

We invented the phrase Cabin Fever, and the condition can be deadly - at least to brain cells.

In Alaska, Easter is better than Christmas. After Easter we can fish!

Death Match

A mother on welfare
Fights to survive
In the wrestling ring of bureaucracy
Clotheslined by paperwork
Choked out by indifference
Her soul fades
The match is rigged

Bones and Thunder, Part II

The economy erupts into violent destruction
Spewing the hot ashes of failed arrogance
Across the upturned faces of the holy

Freeze Unfrozen

A sad farewell to the Anchorage Freeze Project.

A perfect memory:

sitting in the center of the snow-carved labyrinth roasting hotdogs and making s'mores in the firepit with fellow city folk late one Sunday night and feeling at peace, in the center of the starry night.

Thank you for that moment.

Later that same day.....

I've decided I like to make decisive decisions.

Happy American Consumer Holidays!

Customer service has become an oxymoron.

Here is my latest letter to the editor of the Anchorage Daily News:

Dear store employee, all I want for Christmas is a little customer service.

I realize that we shoppers were put here on earth to pay your salary. I know you are doing us a favor just by showing up at work and keeping the cash register warm.

I understand that actually knowing your store and products is too much to ask. I mean, how are you supposed to know where things are and how they work?

I am sorry that my questions are a burden and I realize it is my fault I am too stupid to figure out where things are by myself.

As for greetings, I guess introducing yourself and asking me how I am doing is an emotional commitment that should only be made with a license from City Hall.

So, I wish you a Merry Christmas. I am sure you have always been the center of attention during this holiday. Forgive me for not recognizing it right away.

Don’t worry.

When you want a better job and come see me for an interview, I will remember how stupid I was that day when I came into your store and asked you for a little help.

I found this in the Wireless catalog at the link below.

I call it, "The Real Reason Garden Gnomes Are Disappearing"

This is the only way I will ever display a gnome in my garden.


http://www.thewirelesscatalog.com/

Apathy can die, at least for now

Obama and Palin have done the one thing deemed impossible for modern politics; they have dispelled voter apathy. People are actually participating in the democratic process. People are waking up and paying attention for the first time in too long.

Regardless of your politics or affiliations, these candidates have rejuvenated public opinion. Finally a majority of voters actually care about the outcome of an election. It's about time. I don't care who wins, as long as we all vote.

Time out

Out of time, time out, time to go, time to eat, time to sleep, time time time! What a strange little word when you really look at it. It drives so much of what we do, even when we are doing nothing; t. i. m. e. - four little letters that rule the world.

Bones and Thunder

It seems each day is a race, when it should be a sit-down, have coffee read a book kinda day. We spin so fast our souls can't keep up and we feel disconnected, depressed, and alone because part of ourselves is missing. I keep imagining my soul sitting in a huff in the kitchen, arms crossed, saying, "I am not moving another inch until she gets her sh*t together and slows down.".

The Dalai Lama has written a book called, "The Art of Happiness." Hundreds of pages discussing the philosophy of embracing happiness. Never once does he consider how the hell a working mother can sit down long enough to think; let alone think deep thoughts about the nature of the universe. I spend all day at work and all night moving at the speed of light helping others be happy, feel protected, and well rested.

Buddha, the Dalai Lama, Mohammed, Christ, etc... none of them were women. I hope they reincarnate as women and offer up sincere apologies for proposing we take on one more thing that isn't related to school, dinner, sports, sleep, and the flu.

Did any of them ever have to clean up vomit at 3:00am or rush to the hospital holding a screaming eight-year-old with a broken arm and still make it to work in the morning?

I didn't think so.

220 girl in a 110 world

Scatter, skitter
Flutter, flitter
Ramble, jumble
Fall and tumble

Pouncing, bouncing
Thoughts exploding
Shocking, burning
through my eyes

Feeling heat come through my skin
People backing off again
Whirlwind just lifts me higher
Watch out for the girl on fire

Confidence....

Confidence means never being afraid to look like a fool.

A night that changed history and the future

Last night I watched the 2008 Republican National Convention. It was a historic night and I will never forget it. Sarah Palin was nominated for vice-president of the United States on the Republican ticket and she stunned the convention crowd and the nation by demonstrating strength, intelligence, and a national level of comfort in a position of great pressure and expectation. She showed that having passion and ambition doesn’t mean you lose yourself or your values or your belief in yourself.

My husband reminded me that even the most influential and successful presidents America has ever had have been unknowns before they took office. Abraham Lincoln, Harry Truman and others did not fit the model or appearance of a seasoned world leader. They were dark horse candidates and widely unknown.

They were positioned by fate to lead the country. There were the leaders who made some of the most difficult and world-altering decisions a human being has ever had to make.

Last night was profound not because of party platforms or issues. Not because of the conservative voice or convictions of morality. It was a stunning and breathtaking achievement because she came, she saw, and she kicked ass.

Never again will a female candidate be underestimated or written off before she even starts her campaign. Women have achieved great things in the US Congress and are world shapers around the globe. But Sarah Palin leveled the playing field for Americans, as a politician and, for me, even more importantly, she showed the daughters of the newest generation that a woman of strength is a reality, a hero, a history maker and that the glass ceiling Geraldine Ferraro and Hillary Clinton beat so hard upon and almost took apart received the final blow needed to shatter it and watch it fall away.

Now, some of the shards are going to cut deep. The unbalanced mania and viciousness of the attacks on her, largely because of gender, may end up hurting her beyond hope and kill her pursuit of history. It is pure speculation to predict what the future holds for Sarah. She may be too new to the world stage to maintain her popularity in the face of a vicious, sexist media and the Washington political machine that says a young, pretty woman can’t be smart, she can’t be a military leader, she can’t understand or become educated about foreign policy and steer the course, she can’t make the tough decisions that men think have been their privilege throughout our history.

And there is the issue of her politics. Many voters are twitchy about her stance on sex education, abortion, and values regarding education. Her comfort in professing her faith could backfire in a country that doesn’t like to see people invoke the name of God and seek divine guidance in positions of power. We worry that we will wake up under the thumb of religious fascism and our social policies and the rights of women will return to the dark ages.

But there are certain truths that have made my heart sing. She has shown us all a woman can galvanize the attention of the nation and the world in a single speech. More citizens watched the convention last night than at any other time in the last fifty years, I’ll wager.

And, finally, my eight-year old daughter was riveted by the entire event. She watched from beginning to end and I wept with joy. She does not know or understand conservative vs. liberal. She doesn’t know what a Republican or a Democrat is and she doesn’t care. Neither do I. But I care that she will grow up knowing what strength, passion, commitment, and ability look like. She will never have to doubt that women are leaders and world-shakers. She will never realize until much later how hard we fought in my lifetime and my mother’s and her mother’s for this very moment.

This is not about politics anymore; that is secondary. This is about showing my daughter the future; a future where the glass ceiling is now a part of history.

Journalism is dead

It was announced today that long-respected and sincere Journalism died today after a lengthy and devastating illness. Journalism was revered internationally for its unbiased view of the world and its ability to communicate and share current events without prurient interest.

Sadly, in the final stages of moral dementia, Journalism began a long decline into sensationalism that turned a once proud, intelligent institution into nothing more than a rabid and salacious shadow of its former self.

Journalism leaves behind several well-respected family members including Walter Cronkite, Diane Sawyer, Bernard Shaw, Helen Thomas, Mike Wallace and many more.

It was preceded in death by Tim Russert, David Brinkley, Edward R. Murrow and other members of its dying race.

Due to the controversy surrounding Journalism's death, no service is planned. Memorial donations may be made to the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism at Arizona State University, or any other old-school journalism charity of choice, if you can find one.

Journalism was cremated and its ashes scattered over the Potomac River.