On death and dying

I am dying. Seriously. I only have another 40 years or so (or maybe not). It's a bit of a shock, I know. I thought I was immortal, but it turns out I'm not. I guess there are people out there who are immortal. They always seem so shocked at the end. Like they thought they had a "Get Out of Dying Free" card and it was revoked.

I have seen a lot death in my life: loved ones, friends, friends of friends. Sometimes it has been peaceful, and sometimes, sadly, it has been violent. But always, throughout it all I wonder that we are all so shocked that people die.

Where did we get the notion that it is such a surprise? Why do we act with such angst and drama? Why aren't we prepared and aware that this is GUARANTEED to happen.

Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! But do so knowing that eventually you will find out where Charon's boat goes. Everyone does.

We don't lose a fight when we die. Obituaries always say, "lost a battle with..." or some sort of statement of defeat. Like life is a battle and we can beat death if only we had tried a little harder.

It's not a battle. It is a journey, but that perspective is usually lost.

I am afraid of death because everyone around me tells me to be afraid. They say: It is too much of an unknown! Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Quick, grab a belief system and pray for happily ever after!

I am anxious about the fact of my eventual demise. We fret over the ambiguous, the question mark, the thing unexpected. But, I am tired of the surprise everyone feels when they realize death is a part of life. I am excited and anxious, and a little lonely, thinking about it all. What a door to walk through.

Like most, I want to be 150 years old and die in my sleep. But I have no control over that.

I just hope that whatever the circumstances, I don't feel too taken aback. I would like to make that particular journey nodding my head and saying, "Here I go." I don't what to go saying, "What the hell was that?!" I want it to be accepted and not a huge surprise, no matter how it goes.

So, no news is good news. I don't have an early ticket to ride, so don't panic. But we all have tickets on this train. So, I'll see you there someday.

Crazy like a fox

Too bushed to boogie these days. The idea of actually writing something is too exhausting. It is enough just trying to get through each day. Excited about the weather though. Gonna get the camper on the truck and get the heck out of Dodge. Maybe I will take my notebook and an idea will come to me on the road.

Being a writer is hard work. If you don't jot down a few thoughts when you get the chance they back up in your brain like a creative drain clog and pretty soon life just isn't flowing like it should. Writing is very important to good brain function and overall sanity.

I do so much editing at work, my English major brain is Swiss cheese by the time I get home. Need to work on those kid book ideas that are languishing. Gotta prove to my kids I can write down the goofy things I say and get paid for it. They think I'm just a crazy old lady. I have to show them that crazy can make you big bucks or at least be deeply satisfying.

Stay tuned.....